Bye bye DeLoura-ean

It’s hard to let go of a dream. Hard to let go of a project that you always thought someday you’d get to. I just sold my DeLorean. It’s a car I’ve always wanted, and three years ago when I purchased it, I had dreams of fixing it up. It sounded like a really grand, fun adventure, getting to know the car well enough to fix it. I’d learn a lot, and have something fun to drive. I also thought I could use it to get to know my stepdad better; when I was growing up he fixed up an old ’56 F-100 pickup and won countless awards at car shows and rod runs, so I thought perhaps he and I could share a language now, the language we never really shared when I lived at home. In a limited sense, it worked. While I never really got out to the garage enough to get the car running, I did have some fun conversations with my stepdad, and found some new common ground with him.
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When I found that the front frame extension on the DeLorean had rusted through, I parked the car in the garage and decided to wait until I had enough money to send her down to Don at the DeLorean shop in LA. He said it would cost about $2400 to fix that and also install new shocks. But when I had $2400, I used it to pay off my credit card debt. And the next time, I paid off the DeLorean loan. And then, the Lexus loan. Lastly, I used my money to buy a home. Unfortunately, the home only has one parking place. And now I don’t really have $2400 to send the car to Don, nor will I have a place to park the D when she returns. So selling the DeLorean was the logical choice.
But while I’m good at making logical choices, and knowing that there’ll be some emotional fallout, I never really give the emotions much credit until they’re upon me. Like the time I told my girlfriend, who I was living with, that “of course” if we were accepted to different graduate schools, we’d split up – isn’t that the logical thing to do? A few months later, we were split up, even before we knew which grad schools we were going to. It hit me a lot harder than I thought it would. I suppose I get used to things and then when they’re absent, I can’t take them for granted any more.
Like the DeLorean. Now that it’s gone, I miss the possibility, the excitement that if I wanted to, I could fix the car up and have fun. But at the same time, even though I miss having the DeLorean, it’s pleasant to have that empty hole there. In the place where the possibility of fixing the DeLorean sat in my mind, now there’s just… possibility. Free time, free brain waves, freedom. One less thing for me to worry about, and perhaps a little more time for me to explore a new passion. Or to just be.
Part of my brain thinks, “Someday I’ll buy a DeLorean in better condition and really fix her up.” But in my heart, I know I won’t. What I will do, is appreciate people who fix up cars oh so much more. And that, ultimately, is probably my best takeaway from this experience. It certainly helped to change my perspective, and my relationship, with my stepdad.